Venice, Italy – In a move that has left locals bewildered and tourists stranded, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos has reportedly purchased every boat in Venice ahead of his highly anticipated wedding to Lauren Sánchez, effectively turning the city’s iconic canals into private thoroughfares for his star-studded nuptials.

Houston - SpaceX CEO Elon Musk has confirmed the complete elimination of the company’s Quality Assurance and Quality Control (QA/QC) division—one of the most essential departments in aerospace manufacturing and launch operations.

Musk, speaking at a live-streamed internal town hall on Tuesday, described the decision as part of a “radical streamlining effort” recommended by a newly formed internal auditing group comprised of former DOGE members, who were brought in to identify redundancies and inefficiencies at SpaceX.

Washington, DC - Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) ignited controversy this week after suggesting that Israeli forces entering Tehran could be “greeted as liberators.”

“The Iranian people are not our enemies. They have suffered under a brutal theocracy for decades,” Cruz said. “If the regime in Tehran were to collapse and Israeli troops were to enter in a stabilizing role, I believe many Iranians would greet them not as occupiers, but as liberators.”

Washington, D.C. — A simmering rift between President Donald Trump and Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard burst into public view this week, as Gabbard forcefully defended her handling of sensitive intelligence in the wake of pointed presidential criticism over Iran’s nuclear ambitions.

New York - American Express is preparing to launch its largest-ever upgrade to the iconic Platinum Card, aiming to capture the attention of Millennials and Gen Z with a sweeping refresh set to roll out later this summer or early fall. While official details remain closely guarded, industry chatter and recent announcements suggest that a partnership with Trump Mobile—offering a free Trump-branded smartphone and a complimentary wireless subscription—could be among the headline perks.

Washington, D.C. — In a spectacle of flags, marching bands, and armored vehicles, former President Donald J. Trump held a military parade Saturday that drew “more than 100 people,” according to organizers. The event, staged at the National Mall, was meant to showcase American strength and honor the armed forces — though the crowd size sparked as much conversation as the tanks on display.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As anticipation builds for the upcoming military parade on Constitution Avenue, the cost to fill seats at the high-profile Washington event has reached unprecedented levels, with some parade watchers now able to “name their own price.”